Something had to give. I was exhausted. Feeling low. Unmotivated. Sad. Lost. Disconnected. Joint pains. Gastric disfunction. Anxiety. Did I mention exhausted? I felt I was past vitamin supplements or an exercise program. I felt....awful.
I deeply desired a reset. 'Restore factory settings.'
In the middle of one of my reiki self- healing sessions, I received strong and crystal- clear intuitive guidance that I need to fast. A serious fast. This will be a deep cleanse of body, spirit, mind. Everything will be cleaned and repaired, Seven days. And as with all messages from a higher place, I didn't question the advice - I just knew it was right. I didn't procrastinate, I knew I would wake up the following morning and begin to fast.
Day one. I am nervous and I am excited. My body is craving this reset. However, the thought of no food for seven days feels scary. The fear surprises me. I am trying to tune into all the different ways I can support my body today. Wearing orange and red feels important. Colours are energy, and these shades feel strong and supportive. Hearing zero news. A food fast cleanses the body, but I also want to address the diet of the mind. So being mindful of what I am listening to and watching. Taking my supplements. Breathing consciously. Speaking to myself with love. Allowing time for silence. Taking magnesium to assist my body in eliminating all the waste. I have booked myself in for a reflexology treatment and colonic hydrotherapy.
Water water water. Keep drinking the water.
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Day one was more upbeat than I expected it to be. I drove in silence instead of having the radio on. I stayed away from all media and news. I took all my supplements and drank a whole tonne of water and herbal teas. I got out for a good long walk. And although by the end of the day I felt hungry and a bit spacey, I actually had a remarkable increase in energy and focus throughout the day. I went to bed positive, motivated, hungry and spacey.
Day 2 followed the same pattern. I existed in the same head space as the day before. The amount of energy I had was really surprising to me. The hunger came in waves but passed quickly and was manageable. However, there was an unmistakable void in my day. A real emptiness where I would usually be thinking about food, preparing food, eating food. All that time was now empty space. I realised that there was such an amount of emotion tied to those food rituals. Without them, I felt sad. I went to bed on day two slightly bewildered as to why this wasn't more difficult. Was it not working? Was my body not cleansing and detoxing in the way that I read it should?
Day 3 put that worry to bed. Holy moly. All the emotions come up. Sadness and fear being the biggest. And my body starts to feel the strain. My legs cramp up, over and over. I realise the importance of getting salt into my body, so I pour some onto the back of my hand every now and then and lick it off. I feel very low. The rest of the week stretches ahead like a long, dark shadow. I am determined to sit into all the feelings. The discomfort and the unease. It feels radical to fully embrace the pain instead of running away and looking for distractions. I want to honour whatever my body and my soul are bringing forward. Feel it, and sit with it, and show it some love. This is the hard bit. The hunger waves are easy in comparison. Going to bed on the night of day 3 is a low point.
Sleep is not difficult. I had read that it might be fitful and disturbed, but I sleep well and deeply for the most part. It's waking that is the challenge. It is incredibly hard to get myself awake and out of bed. On the morning of day 4, I feel a real trepidation as the previous day had been such a doozy. I nervously get out of bed and move around and wait for the awfulness to hit. And I wait. And then I realise that I feel pretty good. My energy is back, there are no cramps, no heavy emotions. The day goes surprisingly well. I feel a strength and a confidence in my body that is new and uplifting. I am proud of what I can physically achieve. I am so grateful that I didn't throw in the towel when things got challenging. I am feeling some benefits now. My sinuses are decongesting, and I haven't been able to breathe as well in a very long time. I realise that my daily headaches have gone. Joint and muscle pain has also vanished. My body feels looser and freer. This is a happy day.
Oh how the mighty fall! Day 5 and Day 6 taught me all about the ever- changing nature of this life. They were low, then lower, then lower still. A blur of emotion and perseverance. There is not much to say except that those two days took everything I had to keep going. Stubbornness got me through them.
And finally I woke up on glorious day 7! Although as I opened my eyes, I felt not the tiniest bit of joy. All I could think was, I cannot go through a single day more of this! But the rollercoaster took another turn, and as I began to move around, I realised that I felt... absolutely fantastic! On an actual high. Happy, ecstatic, energetic, focussed, free, easy, connected, cleansed. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would make it. I knew I had done it. There had been a purge and a deep- dive and a reboot and I made it through. I thought about breaking the fast with the watermelon that was sitting patiently waiting for me, and I felt the deepest gratitude for food that I have ever felt in this life of over consumption.
Breaking the fast on the evening of day 7 was a spiritual experience. I ate with my body and my mind and my soul. It was a powerful experience, and I will not forget it.
The peace and ease and freedom and gratitude and confidence that the week gifted me stayed with me. It shifted a lot of rubble and refocused my mind. I was connected with my body in a way that I hadn't felt, maybe ever, before. It was the reset I had been sincerely craving. At times the difficulty had felt mammoth, and those moments will stay with me also. There was something very precious in that pain. It taught me that I am stronger than I believed. I proved myself, to myself. There is a deep joy in that.

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